Tag Archives: poetry

A Sonnet on Reading

©Arwen LeQuieu

Sitting in my comfy chair
A stack of books and a cup of tea
Leaving behind worldly care
In an afternoon where I am totally free.

In my garden hammock laying
Bare feet and face turned towards the sun
Relaxing, for the hour staying
In the pages of a book undone.

My little attic hideaway
Quite the quiet place to be
On the dusty little bed I lay
Dancing black letters of a book to see.

All of my favorite reading place
Are far away from rat races.

Oasis Verses

Oasis Verses: By Arwen LeQuieu

©Arwen LeQuieu

1.
Cheese cloth around my heart,
bleeding through this inefficient bandage.
Tears in my eyes, or is it sweat, no wonder I can’t see.
The horizon is on top. I’m sinking to the bottom.
Lost like a blind man in a dessert
My wounds are not healing, the greatest part of me still lives in fear.

2.
Blind man in a dessert
Lost in the sands of time
I’m drowning in my tears
But I still can’t see.
The sun is sweat and blood and fears
The vultures call is in the distance
Telling me to make my home in this parched land.
The wind whispers, run away,
It’s words are fuel and flame
Stumbling forward, stumbling back,
Have I been here before?
All is familiar and all is lost.
I cannot see because my eyes are shut.
The sand is cruel, hot and sharp
It burns, it cuts, it tares.
The pain is new, the pain is old
It does not matter any longer
I’ve shut my eyes to it,
I pretend it isn’t there
But then the dessert speaks to me
And I know I am lost anyway.

3.
I am the blind man.
The dessert is my soul.
My fears are the symphony in the wind and air
I am the one who’s lost,
Without a direction in my life.
I have a compass
But I cannot see it when I do not look.
Time is cruel, It wears me thin
Till there is naught left but pain and longing for a better day.

4.
God be my oasis,
Be my hiding place.
Because in this world the sun is hot
And the wind and sand are fierce.
Across the dessert land
When I stumble, and cannot find my way
I need your hand,
To pick up the pieces of my life.

God be my oasis
Be my hiding place
Let me drink deep of you.
Refresh me with your healing waters,
Cool me in the shadow of your wings,
I cannot bear the burden on my own
I need your presence
To carry on.

Thin Humanity

©Arwen LeQuieu

I see my thin humanity
falling through my fingertips
like so much sand
when I dream with my eyes open
life becomes more unbearable
every time I drift away
the dreams are beautiful
tempting me to stay
in the land of fortune and fame
no sandman to lure me
I want to escape my poverty
to get everything I want
without the pain of patience.

The Cave

The recent suicide death of Robin Williams and the social media and blog storm following it has made me think about my own struggles with suicidal thoughts as a teenager.  I wrote another post on that here:

Suicide in the Age of Social Media

This poem is an honest picture of what it feels like to contemplate suicide. If you or a loved on are stuck in this cave I want you to know that there is hope and healing and many, many reasons to continue living. Please get help National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

©Arwen LeQuieu

Standing on the brink of suicide
In a cave of thought
Looking into the pit of death
Cold, black, merciless, unending
Death.

One step forward and I’ll fall
One step back is all the pain
Forward is unknown, back is all too familiar.

Not wanting to go back I look at the rocks below.
Wondering what it will be like,
does a place with pearly gates await
or a lake filled to the brim with burning sulfur?
If it is the last forward I’ll not go.
But back to face my pain,
back to the monster in my thoughts
that hovers over me, and makes me fear.

And here with one foot over the edge I pause,
Through the darkness of my worry
a ray of light has come
a ray of hope bringing friendship on its heels
so I will wait for my death
I will wait for someone else to end my life.

Testimony

©Arwen LeQuieu

Once my life was shattered glass and dust
There was smoke in the skies
My pride, a million pieces at my feet
And I wept aloud as I wandered
The tattered pieces of my past clinging round my body
Scars and scabs crisscrossing the heart
New blood and old blood dried where there should be tears
And always that horrible ringing sound.It was in the dark time of my soul
That Truth stood naked before me
Every avenue I ran down he stood waiting
Intorrible grace, I couldn’t look into his eyes
He asked for my pride, held out his scarred hand
You don’t understand, I said
These pieces are precious to me, they’re all I have left
But with reasonable discourse He was not persuadedSo He pursued me into the witches hut
With a mixture of anguish and anger
Watched me offer up a chant for magical powers
Still unrelenting He followed me to the temple
Where His eyes flashed with fire
As I laid an offering at the alter of war
And prayed for strength from my golden god
When I saw Him watching my gut twisted in fear
Leave me alone, I screamed
I don’t want your guilt and pain

Truth bled a little then
Now it’s you who doesn’t understand, He said,
I want your guilt and pain
But you won’t give it up
I want your rags and wounds
But you seem to love your wardrobe so much
He went off a little, then and waited just beyond my site
While I pondered the things he said

I bemoaned my fate
The colorless vision of the day
and the blood red fears of night
The agony of not knowing who I was meant to be
And the sleepless nights of apathy

I wanted to die then in the anguish of my soul
But Truth, it turns out, would not let me go
I called out to Suicide to come and take me away.
Gladly he came but quickly he left when he saw Truth’s shadow over me.

I was alone in the crowd of people
When he grabbed a hold of me
“I will not pursue you any longer.”
Tired of the dance of pain and deceit
I threw myself down at His feet, discarding pretenses.
The demon under my skin was lead
Away to the gallow, hung and buried before my eyes
And then my bone were on fire
My very marrow felt it, the pain of the release.
Falling over into the arms of a God
My God.

Give & Take

©Arwen LeQuieu

I wanted action
He gave it to me
I wanted power
He let me have a little
I wanted control
He taught it to me
I wanted more
and he gave me more and more
I wanted peace
He gave me suffering
I wanted life
He took it out of me
I wanted to let go
He held me firm
I wanted less
He let me have less and less of myself

How Are Your Dreams

©Arwen LeQuieu

How are your dreams?
What do you expect when you fall asleep?
Do you sweat and pray,
Call out in the darkness,
And in your loneliness find a night apart from Nemo’s land unbearable?
What fills the void left by dreamless nights
Marching end on end through your calendar?
Smoke in mirrors, candlelight, wind in the treetops,
Here then gone like a strangers kiss.
More and more you fill the nighttime canvas of my mind.
When you cannot find a slumber vision of your own
Your image stalks me in mine.
If the thing wished for were granted…
Pleasure, pain, knowledge, and the burden of it all
Would you then be free?
If you could seek my ghost in some nighttime chorus
Would the candle burn a little longer?
The kiss would still end
And even if I told you the name
They would still be a stranger to you.
Your fate, your destination cannot be so easily changed.
If you cannot be convinced with words
Dreams will not shake you.

Proverbs 17:1

The walls bleed in this house of strife

The roof sages and weeps

They try to medicate my misery

The feast they give me fills the stomach

But the hearts left empty

 

Wallpaper to the wound

Try to hide it away

You can’t pretend peace

Thin disguises are easily seen through

My paper mask is melted by my tears

Don’t tell me wealth is happiness.

©Arwen LeQuieu