The Cave

The recent suicide death of Robin Williams and the social media and blog storm following it has made me think about my own struggles with suicidal thoughts as a teenager.  I wrote another post on that here:

Suicide in the Age of Social Media

This poem is an honest picture of what it feels like to contemplate suicide. If you or a loved on are stuck in this cave I want you to know that there is hope and healing and many, many reasons to continue living. Please get help National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

©Arwen LeQuieu

Standing on the brink of suicide
In a cave of thought
Looking into the pit of death
Cold, black, merciless, unending

One step forward and I’ll fall
One step back is all the pain
Forward is unknown, back is all too familiar.

Not wanting to go back I look at the rocks below.
Wondering what it will be like,
does a place with pearly gates await
or a lake filled to the brim with burning sulfur?
If it is the last forward I’ll not go.
But back to face my pain,
back to the monster in my thoughts
that hovers over me, and makes me fear.

And here with one foot over the edge I pause,
Through the darkness of my worry
a ray of light has come
a ray of hope bringing friendship on its heels
so I will wait for my death
I will wait for someone else to end my life.

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